Tim Vine Quotes

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.
― Tim Vine, Winner of funniest joke of the year at Edinburgh Fringe 2014

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.
― Tim Vine, Placed second on the list of top jokes at the 2011 Edinburgh Festival.

Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes
― Tim Vine, Winner of Funniest Joke at the 2012 Lafta Comedy Awards.

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze.
― Tim Vine, Top 10 joke at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, 2012.